I came across an article on The Christian Post website which got my dander up a bit. It gave a synopsis of ideas about bullying from author Wendy Cooper Starr. The article made several points. The first one, I agree with -- I don't think anti-bullying policies are the path to reducing the amount of verbal bullying in schools. My agreement with the article ended at this quote:
“Children need to learn bullies are being controlled by Satan. They need to learn forgiveness. They need to learn how to do good things for bullies.”
I was a Christian child bullied in Christian schools by Christians. I don't think my bullies were controlled by Satan. I think they were bored, spoiled kids who, despite the Christian surroundings, had not been trained to be kind to others.
It's not going to stop the bullying to "do nice
things" for the bullies. The
doing-nice-things approach can work in conflicts between peers where there is a
basic equality and the problem is a personality conflict or a quarrel. I don't consider those situations to be bullying. I define bullying as a concentrated, ongoing
harassment where there isn't equality -- due to shyness, size, vulnerability,
or a child who is outnumbered, a child who is isolated by peers. A kid who is bullied is so beaten down,
mentally or physically, that it is a tremendous accomplishment just to function
from day to day without cracking up. A bully is an abuser. Expecting an emotionally battered child to try to "do nice things" for their abusers is a good way to lock them into the victim mentality for life.
It is premature to talk forgiveness while a child is being
bullied. Survival is the issue of the
moment. God and the Bible can help the child endure, but forgiveness is an
issue you deal with later while dealing with the long-term effects of bullying,
as you piece back together your shattered sense of self and figure out how you
can possibly fit into this world. And
the biggest challenge may be to forgive yourself for being the sort of kid whom
others would bully. Self esteem isn't
something Christians seem comfortable with teaching, but it is there in the
Bible. When you love your neighbor as
yourself, that means that it is right and proper to love yourself. And loving self will be the most challenging
lesson a bullied child will have to learn.
