Writing Church School Blues gave me new insights, not only into myself, but into those who lived in my world with me. One mystery that may be partly solved through the process is the mystery of Monique. Even then, I thought that the intensity of her apparent hatred of me was odd since I had never done anything to her to inspire a grudge. I could understand why she looked down on me -- everyone else did! But why the rage? The others were mean to me, but Monique was obsessed.
It occurs to me now that perhaps the thing about Monique that was so fascinating to me was also the reason she vented her anger upon me: Monique was different, too. She communicated with her parents, not through voice, but with her hands. While I thought it was no end of cool that she could talk with her hands, and while she used her ability to further her social goals, is it possible that she feared it could backfire on her? She made her abilities a thing of admiration in what seemed to be a celebration of her unique family situation. But perhaps a part of her was ashamed that her folks were different.
So to make sure that it doesn't occur to any one else that she is different, she takes charge of the group of mean kids and marshals them on her crusade against others who are different -- and who, unlike her, cannot talk back either with hands or voice.
She doesn't dare let up, because if she does, she might end up walking in my shoes.
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